Hi Big Rock Parents,
I received this email and loved what it had to say. It talks about feedback to the coaches if your child is frustrated often. This I totally agree with. Let us know what frustrates them and maybe we can help make it better. We as coaches are always striving to be better and want to make there experience here as best as possible. Thank you for your support!!!
Parenting An Athlete Newsletter
September 22 2010
Hope you are having a great day. Pass the newsletter on to your friends if you think it is beneficial. Feel free to post the newsletter on bulletin boards. I am also fine with the newsletter being posted on team web sites.
“I Hate You”
Shock value. They want a reaction. The words hurt more than their intention. Give them the lecture about “hate” but don’t be overly sensitive that you are “losing” them. You aren’t. Kids have very little recourse when they are very upset. Don’t get defensive, check out why they are feeling that way. Try not to let those words escalate the situation. Remember, every child says those words at some point.
Today vs. The Big Picture
Giving in to the kids may get rid of a bad situation for today, but the “big picture” is our ultimate goal. To give in usually sends the message to the children that they just found a way to get what they want. That is to throw a tantrum, embarrass you at the mall, keep asking for something, bugging you when you are tired or making you feel guilty. All terrific maneuvers that they learn from experience. Don’t feed their misbehaving by giving in. To stand up to them today will make things better tomorrow and next week. Be strong, you are helping them.
Kids Talking In Car
Coming home from practice can be good and can be bad. On a good day you will get lots of talk about what they accomplished and all of the compliments they got. Wonderful. But when they have a bad day at practice you will probably hear 30% truth and 70% of their biased version of why it wasn’t a good day. Usually their version needs to be taken with a little grain of salt. Their version should not be taken verbatim as 100% truthful. This is natural. Almost always, their version of a bad practice is embellished. Trust your coaches to be in control of the practices.
Now, if there are several bad practices, in the eyes of your athlete, in a row, you may want to inform the coach about what is happening in the car. Go into this conversation open minded and as a partner with the coach rather than a disgruntled parent. Most of the time this is a small, small situation of frustration or lack of progress. Not a huge deal. It is natural that this happens. It is a small hurdle to work with the coach and overcome. You know that kids “tell stories” and the car on the way home is a great place for a little fiction.
Are you allowed? Aren’t you supposed to drive, pay and be quiet? The parent role in sports can be a little more than that. You can look at the past and actually have a few thoughts on where things could be in a few months. Do you have a right to expect some progress in sports when you drive a couple of times to practice every week? I think so. Progress is not guaranteed every week but over time the kids should be getting better. I think some parents have taken their own goals a little far and have messed up situations before but those parents are in the small minority of all of the common sense parents we have in sports.
So don’t beat yourself up if you do have a thought or two about the kids and the team. But as I always say, this is a partnership between the parents, the athletes and the coaches. We ARE WORKING TOGETHER! Lack of progress is not always the fault of the coach. It could be the athlete. It could even be the parent. If we all work together we offer the best situation for happiness and progress. Sounds good.
It is such a challenge but it is more fun to motivate your child to do the right thing rather than punish them when they don’t. Continually promote “good behavior gets good things” rather than “bad behavior has consequences.” I think we all live in a combination of those two but hopefully the positive motivation far out weighs the punishment. Kids who are threatened as much as they are motivated tend to get used to the threats which become less effective. We all want to lean on the positive to get what we want, we just may have to work at it a little more.
Young Athlete Newsletter
September 22 2010